Dad Pranks

Here is a list of things I did with my children when they were little. Toothbrush Song –We would hum a song while brushing our teeth to ensure they were brushing long enough. I never told them the song was the theme to Dark Shadows. Years later, my daughter was watching the movie version of Dark Shadows and discovered the theme was the toothbrush song. Pick your favorite show and have at it. The Answer is Lincoln –I would ask them a series of questions to which the answer was always Lincoln. For example: Name a luxury model car made by Ford. What is the capital of Nebraska? Name the 16th president of the United States. Whose face is on the penny? Then when you are boasting about your kids in front of someone ask them one of the questions. The more obscure the better.You can do this with any specific answer as long as it is always the same. For an extra laugh, expose the trick by asking a few more questions. I got a Haddok too –For this one I teach them a short skit from a Marx Brothers movie, but you can use any short silly skit. This one goes like this: “Who are you?” “I’m fine thanks, who are you?” “I’m fine too but you can’t come in unless you give the password.” “Alright, what is the password?” “Oh no, you gotta tell me. I’ll give you a hint, it’s the name of a fish.” “I got it, haddock.” “That’s funny a gotta haddock too.” “Really, whaddya take for a haddock?” You can choose who does what part, but I usually let them do the second part so I can start.

The ultimate pet… The dat?

I was visiting with my brother and sister-in-law over the weekend and they have three cute little dogs.  I am more of a cat person, being used to the low maintenance of the feline pet, but couldn’t help appreciating the smothering love these dogs gave their owners and anyone else, once they got to know you.  They have a shitzu, a morky (maltese/yorky) and the offspring of the two breeds (a mitzorky?)  So these are all very small breeds.  Probably smaller than my cats.  I consider this to be a plus.  These dogs are also very hairy causing me to ask about the shedding, but no, they do not shed.  They’re actually hypo-allergenic and do not shed.  Not believing this I had to look around the house, but to my surprise there was no hair to be seen.  This started sounding pretty good competition for my favoritism toward cats.  But alas, they started barking….  This ruined everything, but did get me to thinking…. Why can’t we create a loveable, non-shedding, non-barking, adoring, low maintenance, self potty training, ultimate pet?  With all of our genetic research and cloning technology we should put it to real practical use and somehow take the best of man’s best friend and our favorite feline and create the perfect pet…..  The cog!…  No….. That’s no good…. wait…. the dat!  Yes, the dat! Think about the fact that we already genetically manipulate these animals through breeding.  In fact, we have been doing it for centuries.  I am just suggesting we take it to the next level.  Sprinkle a little fun-loving friendship with a little crapping discretely in the sandbox convenience and what a wonderful pet you would have.  I am sure once we isolate the best genes we could really raise the bar and create a whole group of combinations of traits tailored to the owner’s preferences.  Sort of like Gattica becomes Cattica.  As long as we are careful not to create the ultimate predator that comes back to kill us all, we should be fine.